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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809571">Time won’t let this go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jillswriter/pseuds/Jillswriter'>Jillswriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Figure Skating RPF, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir - Fandom, Virtue&amp;moir, virtue/moir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:29:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jillswriter/pseuds/Jillswriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You take the sting out of the rain and bring the sun back up again. </p><p>This journey is hard, but although we can hurt eachother so much, you could put your arms around me and take away my blues.<br/>While she keeps focusing on her breathing she starts reminicing about the past two and a half years. And trying to figure out how she is going to do the hardest thing she will ever have to do.<br/>But for one night she will enjoy the feeling of his arms around her and the feeling of comfort that covers her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Scott Moir &amp; Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Time won’t let this go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song: you could always pull me through</p><p>Thanks for starting this story. This is my first fanfiction. English is not my first language so i apologize for any writing mistakes in advance. </p><p>Comments are always welcome :))</p><p>Hope you enjoy the first chapter</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s dark in her bunk, there are only the occasional flashes of light when a car drives by their tour bus. She’s staring up at the ceiling which is now feeling like it’s closing in on her. “Keep breathing Tess, in and out.... in and out”, she tells herself. The anxciety starts to slowly reduce to just a little ball that’s sitting in her stomach.</p><p>While she keeps focusing on her breathing she starts reminicing about the past two and a half years. And trying to figure out how she is going to do the hardest thing she will ever have to do.</p><p>It’s now almost exactly three and a half years ago that Tessa and Scott decided to start competitive skating again. </p><p>Sochi was alright. Or so, they told everybody that they were okey with being second and that they just really had enjoyed the olympics and skating together.<br/>
While this wasn’t completely untrue... they just are both people who like to win and this was not the way how they wanted to end their career.<br/>
However they tried those first two years to find themselves a bit outside of skating and apart from eachother.<br/>
They failed miserably at being stable outside of skating in those years.<br/>
Scott started drinking, going out and just acting like he didn’t care at all. Although his family just really knew how much Scott was hurting.<br/>
Tessa just turned in on herself. It was clear she was hurting. Hurting of the way that she and Scott had left their partnership, the way things ended in the olympics. She was a perfectionist and she wasn’t content with herself, that was clear. But she had hoped to grief their loss at least together with scott and than just move on together. However they didn’t, they saw eachother once a week in those first months after Sochi, but that slowly went to only seeing eachother occasionaly. It wasn’t as though they didn’t want to see the other one. They just felt like they let eachother down. </p><p>After a while the Virtue’s and Moirs had enough of seeing the two of them so miserable, so they concocted a plan to get them together again so they would start talking.<br/>
Like Alma said. She just was sure that from the moment that Tessa and Scott would talk, get to that certain special, overwelming and so trusting relationship again that she always saw them have, (Ofcourse that relationship went with ups and downs. Sometimes there was complete trust and sometimes it was just really confusing, but they always had eachothers back.) than Tessa and Scott would be Tessa-and-Scott again.<br/>
So their families organized a gardenparty tofether to celebrate Canada day in 2015. Tessa was happy to see everyone back, but it took a while for Scott and Tessa to aproach eachother. Yes they had said a friendly “hi”, but it wasn’t untill sunset that they really started speaking to eachother again. </p><p>Tessa wasn’t immediately at ease and you could feel a little tension between them in those first two minutes. But Scott started joking around pretty quickly and things felt immediately more comfortable and normal again.</p><p>The first few times it was hard to see eachother again.<br/>
Tessa felt guilt, anger and she just also felt this imense loss. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t enjoyed themselves in Sochi, she was just feeling like there was something uncompleted about their career. She had missed Scott a lot, but she was also really angry that he didn’t find it necessary to stay in contact with her. It was like all the trust they had in eachother, this close bond that they had, their history just dissolved in to nothing for Scott.<br/>
(It wasn’t until after a lot therapy sessions after their comeback that she realized that Scott had blamed himeself for their second place in Sochi after seeing the sadness in Tessa’s eyes.)</p><p>After those first few times that they saw eachother again Tessa realized how much she had missed Scott. How he could make her care less about what people were thinking. How he could make her laugh and just be more carefree. </p><p>They started eating dinner together a few times a week. Tessa noticed how much she was looking forward to these evenings. She craved seeing him.<br/>
She felt save, at home. She felt like he was the only person who really understood her, understood their history, their loss, her drive, her passion, because they had gone through literally almost everything together since they were just 7 and 9 years old. </p><p>She started realizing how much she had depended on Scott and he on her. She started seeing things that she didn’t really appreciate before their break. She remembered all the times where Scott was there for her and knew exactly what she needed. Scott had stood up for her when the other girls  at the rink were mean to her and laughing at the way she looked or made mistakes. Or when Marina told her she had to watch her weight, he would bring her chocolate just because he knew how much she liked it. He had held her when one of her stupid boyfriends had broken up with her. When she was uncertain about anything he would reasure her. He would calm her and she would ground him.<br/>
Sure there had been hard times. Times where Scott his temper flared up or times where they didn’t talk. But they always seemed to come back together and find their common base again. He would apologize for how he had reacted and she would apologize about internalizing everything he did.<br/>
And they would start skating again, hand in hand. A common goal, a feeling of truly being where they belonged. </p><p>Maybe they just had been young and they had needed this place of certainty in a world of growing up, when everything sometimes feels so uncertain. </p><p>Whatever it was, in the end they always liked being in eachothers company and having something together that not a lot of people understood. They always were Tessa-and-Scott, Virtue Moir. And that felt safe. </p><p>After a lot of talking and resolving stuff they started skating again. But they both came to realize that they didn’t feel satisfied with how their competitive career had ended and a few months after they had admitted this to eachother they started training with a whole new team at Gadbois. </p><p>They Loved everthing about training at Gadbois.<br/>
They always had liked Marie and Patrice, but they really started being good friends while training with them as their coaches.<br/>
They loved the complete mindset and approach to skating that was used in Gadbois.<br/>
And beside all that, Tessa has never felt so close to Scott as since they started training again after their break. They had finnaly seemed to have found a sort of understanding. Scott had done a lot of growing up in the way that he reacted to things and Tessa had changed the way she took everything in. Instead they talked a lot more. </p><p>They told eachother everything that was on their mind. They had a lot of therapy sessions that were a part of their new training routine in Montreal, but besides that they just spend a lot more time outside skating together. They had decided to both keep away from any distractions untill the pyeongchang Olympics that were in 2 years, so they only had eachother in this new city that was miles away from their family and friends. It was then that they really started knowing eachother through and through. They had always had this understanding of what the other might be feeling and they really had supported eachother through al the years in Waterloo and Canton.<br/>
But it was only now that they were becoming more and more in sync in litteraly everything that they did. </p><p>They completed eachother.<br/>
Scott would wake up early in the morning to prepare or get Tessa a coffee, because he knew how much she hated early mornings. She would take his laundry out of his apartment when he went grocery shopping, because yes she had a key to his apartment and yes she knew how many t-shirts Scott had already ruined by mixing white laundry with black laundry. </p><p>He drove them to the rink because she was to tired still and she would always propose to drive back, but he liked to drive. So she would entertain him on the way back by singing along with the songs.<br/>
They had this combined playlist, because she really couldn’t stand only listening to his country music and he could only hear one Hall and Oats song before needing a recovery song. She would roll her eyes at him when he’d sigh in relieve when the her song had finished. </p><p>She tried to make breakfast in the weekends and he would usually make dinner. She would organise his closet, because, man... who could live with shorts being in the same pile as pants???</p><p>During those two years of living in Montreal they started growing so much closer. They started spending evenings at eachothers, mostly in Tessa’s place because duh... she made every place that she owned her own cosy place. They watched movies together. One night she could choose and the next time it was Scott’s turn, although if she looked at him with a pout he would bend and let her choose the movie on his night too.<br/>
They went out to dinner, they ordered and stayed in after a particularly hard day at the rink or the gym. Or Scott would cook all Tessa’s favorites. </p><p>In those two years Tessa once tried too cook dinner for Scott, that was the first and the last time. She would definitely stick to poached eggs from now on. </p><p>They became so close that on some nights, and even most nights right before pyeongchang, Scott would stay the night at Tessa’s. They would just lay there in bed together, Scott keeping her warm and whispering reasuring words to her when she was self-doubting again. </p><p>But still they never went there. You know there... they never kissed, never went any further than just hugging eachother. </p><p>Ofcourse she felt things.... unplatonic things. When they were on the ice and he held her a little too long in their end pose of their Moulin Rouge program. And his lips stayed close to her neck. She felt his short, hot pufs of breath on her skin, the goosebumps would rise on her skin... and then he would release her.<br/>
He’d pull her back up, he’d skate away and she would try to pull herself back together.<br/>
Or he would hold her hand, give it a little squeeze and give her a tiny smile right before a run through for the hundred time that day. And she’d feel those little sparks coursing through her whole arm and immediately feel energized to go again. </p><p>She could feel the desire between them. Sometimes she would catch him looking at her, his eyes full of desire. But they had promised... no distractions and that meant also no distractions between them. She knew that once they’d go their they would put everything at risk... she was scared and also at the same time she knew how many things they had gone through without leaving one another. But still she let the scared part win and he knew it was not the right time. </p><p>They had a goal that they wanted to reach together. They owned it to eachother. They came so far, trained so hard, they had spent twenty years dancing with eachother, while dancing around the possibility of having eachother. (Okay, maybe they hadn’t felt the attraction for 20 years and yes sometimes it was there and sometimes it wasn’t, but they weren’t about to risk it all now after denying themeselves exactly that for the last maybe 10 years.) They knew everybody had an opinion about their relationship and thought they weren’t  just platonic business partners, but apart from a few drunken kisses when they were teenagers, they really never went there.</p><p>The games were a huge succes. They skated for them and just for them. In those last few minutes of their free skate Tessa completely forgot everything besides Scott and her. The only thing she felt were Scott’s hands on her body and his lips who were singing along to the lyrics to her.<br/>
When they got the results and they knew they won Scott took her in an all encompassing hug, she had never felt so happy as in that moment.<br/>
She could only look at him with so much love and adoration.<br/>
They had done it, they made their dream reality. </p><p>The celebrated with their family, friends and the whole of team Canada. All through the nights they would catch the other glancing. They would give eachother light touches, he would hug her out of nowhere. And that was the night they finnaly gave in to eachother.<br/>
The party went on but she took his hand and whispered in his ear that she was getting tired. He’d tell everyone who aked where they were going that he would just walk Tess to her room and than go to sleep himself.<br/>
But as soon as they walked out of the elavator on Tessa’s floor he pushed Tessa against the wall and kissed her with all the passion and desire that he had been holding for the last two years. </p><p>He’d tell her later that after Sochi he had realized how much he loved her.<br/>
How he always started relationships but they would end because his girlfriends thought his and Tessa’s relationship was weird. Or he would just lose intrest in them because they didn’t laugh with his stupid jokes or didn’t want to sing along to songs in the car with him because they were too embarrased. </p><p>Tessa kissed him back eagerly but stopped to open her hotelroom.<br/>
She took his hand, he looked at her... he was asking her by just looking at her questioningly if she was sure. She bit her lip, nodded and pulled him through the door into her bedroom.</p><p>The next morning she woke up in his arms after having the best night of her life. She knows it sounds so cliché, but she had never experienced sex like this with her other few boyfriends that she had . She had never had someone who wanted to please her too, who wanted to take care of her, who was slow, patient and asked her if she was okay, who asked what she liked.<br/>
She loved this man. </p><p>Scott was still sleeping when she woke up. He looked so peaceful and beautiful.<br/>
Rays of sunlight shone through the curtains of her pyeonchang hotel room and touched her skin on her shoulders. Softly, just like all the kisses that Scott had left all over her body.<br/>
She couldn’t help smiling, but Tessa wouldn’t be Tessa if she didn’t have to overthink everything.<br/>
‘Had they made a wrong choice’, ‘Was he going to regret all of this?’...<br/>
Before she could doubt this any more she felt stirring next to her and than,<br/>
“Hi beautiful”.</p><p>She turned to look at him and he smiled back.<br/>
Ok, he doesn’t regret last night at least.<br/>
“You were overthinking again, weren’t you?” He asked with a little smirk.<br/>
This man, he knew her to well.<br/>
She again was overwhelmed by the love she felt for him and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. </p><p>After they woke up, they took a quick breakfast, because they had to be at the gala practice.<br/>
The day went by excruciatingly slow. They took quick glances at each other through the whole group practice. They had agreed to not act any different than they usually did. Although a total lack of contact with eachother would be suspcious too, seeing as Scott was always ‘handsy’.<br/>
But trying to act “normal” proved to be really difficult. It was as if now that they had let themeselves go there, they just couldn’t get enough. </p><p>And when it was there ten minutes practice time for their solo performance, Scott’s hands lingered a little longer on some places and when he would be close to her neck he would just put his lips on her skin for only a second so no one would see. But Tessa certainly felt it. Normaly this was something they would keep away from. Yes he had often placed his nose in the crook of her neck, but he had never gone as far as kissing it. </p><p>And at the end of their practice he had gotten her all hot and bottered, so she gave him a knowing glance and told him she would be going to the toilet. </p><p>He clearly got the message, because a few minutes later they were heavily making out against the bathroom sink. </p><p>They sneaked around like that for the rest of their time in pyeonchang.<br/>
When they got home, they realized that actually there wasn’t really that much that had changed. Except obviously that they had crossed “that line” now. </p><p>Tessa loved those months right after the olympics. She had never felt on such a high for so long. She quickly came to realize that winning gold was something that made her happy, but finaly being able to really, completely be with Scott, the one who she had to deny for these last two years... that was her high.<br/>
She had often doubted if she would stay feeling excited to see Scott everyday after 20 years, but even after all those years she looked forward to seeing him.</p><p>They often had thought about telling their families, friends, the world about their relationship, but they wanted to keep this between them for now.<br/>
And to be honest Tessa was scared of cheapening everything they had achieved by now declaring their love for eachother publicly. She thought it would diminish all the hard work that they had put in nurturing a sometimes really difficult relationship.<br/>
Plus it would make them seem like liers, while in fact they really only just gave in.</p><p>So they kept it quiet. Which was so difficult on tour. One, because of course they had their needs, which they had denied themeselves for so long. And two, Scott was a natural affectionate person... but now he it was even on just a different level. In interviews he often let things slip like “you are such a restless sleeper.... so i’ve read”.... seriously scott, great save. She rolled her eyes just thinking about this. But still she couldn’t help smiling internally too.</p><p>And so now they were here.<br/>
She was lying in her small bunk bed, waiting ‘till scott would come and keep her feet warm, because it was freakingly cold in this bus. </p><p>“Breath in”... one, two, three....</p><p>“Breath out”... three, two, one... </p><p>How was she going to do this. She had already made her decision. But still her chest was hurting and she had to bite her lip to not let any tears slip out of the corners, when she thought about what she was going to do. </p><p>But she had too. The only thing she wanted was for Scott to feel happy and get everything he wanted and deserved.</p><p>She started realizing after the last show of the Thank you Canada tour that soon the touring would be over and that she hadn’t even thought about what would happen to them after that point. She realized she hadn’t thought about it, because she didn’t see a “Them” in that part. </p><p>She saw things for Scott...<br/>
and she saw things for herself...<br/>
but they just didn’t connect. </p><p>There wasn’t one box in the “perfect women for Scott list” that she seemed to tick of.</p><p>Scott would want to settle down, somewhere more in the countryside, maybe near Ilderton. In a beautiful house with a garden and he would maybe work at the shop, or the Ilderton skating rink... or maybe he would travel to gadbois every now and than and coach there. </p><p>Tessa didn’t even know what she wanted to do. She had so many ideas. Doing sponsorships, working a bit in fashion. Getting her masters degree,...<br/>
but none of those ideas could be combined with settling somewhere permanentely in her eyes. It maybe scared her. It made her restless to think about staying in one place when she was so used to traveling around. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to feel at home in one place.</p><p>Scott would want to marry.<br/>
She shivered... Marriage, another thing that scared her to bits. She had seen first hand how a marriage ends. They just leave and you will be left all alone in a big house with a big hole in your heart. Yes that was what the doom of marriage was to her.<br/>
Marriage felt huge... and she knows it is something really important to Scott.<br/>
But she can’t help doubting if even their relationship could survive marriage.<br/>
Ok... she ofcourse knew a lot of happy marriages, but she can’t help it.<br/>
She probably was damaged in that area, probably because of the her parents. Now they indeed can make small talk, but it hasn’t always been that way.<br/>
And that’s something she never wants for her and Scott. </p><p>And than the biggest<br/>
‘why she’s not “THE woman” for Scott’.<br/>
Scott wants children. This is the thing that made her start thinking about ‘what after...’</p><p>In one of the meet and greets from one of the last shows of the Thank you Canada tour, she was standing at the bar, ordering a drink for Scott and her, when a woman approached her. She told her she was a big fan of them and asked for a picture. </p><p>Tessa was just about to walk back to the table where she and Scott were sitting at, signing autographs, when a loud wail errupts. She looks around and sees a little girl, no older than 5 years old that fell not far from where Scott was still currently sitting at their table. </p><p>Scott jumps up, takes a few steps towards the crying child and picks her up. He immediately starts soothing her. Asks her where she’s hurt. He looks at the little girl’s knees and tells her it’s just a really eeny meeny tiny scratch and he starts to distract her by pulling funny faces, while everyone in the meet and greet room watches the sweet encounter. </p><p>“One day he will make the best father a kid could ask for” the woman next to her says.<br/>
And than just like that the ball starts rolling in her head. The woman is right. He will be the best father ever for HIS children. But what about her.<br/>
What does she want. What does she want out of life.... </p><p>Scott pulled her out of her thoughts that evening, but later when he lay asleep next to her in his hotel room, the thinking started.</p><p>She didn’t know if she wanted children, but she starts trying to imagine it. She starts to make a picture in her head... a perfect mix between him and her.... she sees little possibilities of the future,... but than it downs on her and she starts remembering the problems she had as a teenager with her period.<br/>
She hadn’t really cared about it till now. </p><p>She got her period for the first time later than all of the other girls from her highschool class.<br/>
Her sports doctors had told her that it was completely normal for athletes to get it at a later age. After all they really put their body through hard conditions by training everyday for so many hours.<br/>
After she got it for the first time at sixteen or something, they stayed away for another 4 months untill she had them again. After that they just appeard to be very irregular.<br/>
She didn’t think it really was a problem bach than, i came in rather handy. Thay had a lot of training hours every songle day and she just didn’t mind not having to worry every month about if there was blood running through her leggings by accident or something. </p><p>She had actually seen that happen to an older skater and at the time all the other girls said it was really awkward. </p><p>Then at 20 she had decided to let her gynaecologist place an IUD. Now she didn’t have to worry about having unexpected periods or taking that pill which she was so scared of forgetting.</p><p>But now... thinking about the future, it worried her, she actually didn’t know if her periods were ever really strong.<br/>
She realized that as a women, she actually never really thought about the fact that she maybe one day would need, depend on those regular monthly periods.</p><p>She started chewing her lip... something she did a lot when she was younger and worrying a lot lot more. But since their comeback she was a lot less nervous and generaly just a calmer person.<br/>
She decided to go and see her doctor in between the end of the Thank You Canada tour and the Rock the rink<br/>
Tour. </p><p>So she did exactly that. A few days later she had sat in the chair before her gynaecologist who had just removed her IUD. </p><p>“So Tessa, after the removal of your IUD i had a look at your follikels like you asked me to and i’m afraid to tell you that their production of eggs is still very low. The reason for that is like i told you because of the extreme conditions, you as an athlete, put your body through. Your fat percentage isn’t exactly what i would call healthy for storeing an embryo. And your body feels that too. Ofcourse it could also be an after effect of the IUD. But it could take two to four years for your body to notice a more.... healthy lifestyle to become pregnant. That is what i believe probably the question you really wanted to know the answer to. And Tessa i’ve known you now from since you were fifteen years old, so i think that it is my responsibility to tell you the truth. And that is that i can’t tell you with complete certainty that now your periods will come back stronger than before your IUD.” </p><p>Tessa just sat there, nodded and tried to let it all sink in. </p><p>The moment she stepped back in her car, she broke down and let the tears flow. She had never thought of herself as a mom, of herself having kids.... and she wasn’t about to start now with thinking about it. She wasn’t going to cause herself any more pain by imagining it and than just being so dissapointed. Besides, in her eyes kids never really liked her, except for her nieces and nephews. Kids were always really shy and quiet around her.But they always seemed to like Scott a lot. And he loved them.<br/>
How was she ever going to live with herself knowing that it was her body that failed to make Scott’s dream become true, a family of his own. </p><p>She couldn’t watch him look at his nieces and nephews longing to have his own child. </p><p>So that was to moment she started trying to erase herself out of every picture she had made in her head of Scott’s future. </p><p>She knew she was preparing herself for the inavitable.<br/>
She was going to break Scott’s heart and her would be broken with it. But at least she would see his mend again.<br/>
He would be happy and have the furture that he had always dreamed about.</p><p>The little curtain of her bunkbed was pulled aside just a little bit.<br/>
“Tess, are you still awake?” She heard Scott whisper.<br/>
“Mhhmm, and i’m cold... can i warm my feet on your legs” she asked<br/>
He climbed next to her, trying to make as minimal noise as possible, so the rest wouldn’t wake up. </p><p>“Ofcourse T, always...” he said, after he spooned her. </p><p>She snuggled a little closer and thought, just one more night.</p>
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